Hate and Fear and Love
...the visits from the Securitate [the Romanian communist secret police] began and continued over a period of months. Eva* was followed to work daily by a Securitate member. Balint, who was lecturing at the time and thus had a more flexible schedule, was required to report to the Securitate every day...
One afternoon, Eva was coming home from work [she worked from 6:30am to 3:30pm] and a neighbor met her and told her that the Securitate had been to her and Balint's house. Eva was disbelieving at first. For an afternoon visit by the Securitate generally meant one of two things: one was to be taken to a very distant prison and quite likely never heard of again, or one was to be beaten and possibly killed in the local facilities. Eva's neighbor persuaded her. The Securitate really had paid them an afternoon visit. "So, I had time to pray and ready myself for their return," said Eva
They were both very frightened. Balint was stretched out on the bed, waiting for the summons to go to the Securitate headquarters. Praying, praying. "Then I felt as if someone was telling me that we had nothing to lose. We had no children then and so we had nothing to lose but ourselves. I went over to Balint and said, 'Balint, we have nothing to lose. We have everlasting life.' When he realized how I was thinking he was encouraged and so we were able to laugh and pray together before he had to go. I went with him. It was the custom to accompany someone to the Securitate, not to let a person go alone."
"Then I walked home but someone was following me. I went into a shop to buy something for Balint, something to put on his bruises, because I was hoping that he would come home and I would be able to do this for him. And one of the Securitate was following me and I was frightened. I was so frightened I couldn't pray."
"It was at this time that I learned about loving and forgiving my enemies. A voice said -- it must have been an angel, because it wasn't my voice, I couldn't pray, I was so frightened -- a voice said, 'You are afraid of him because you don't love him. Perfect love casts out fear.' [1 John 4:18] And it was true, I hated him... I loved my life more than him. I wanted to live. And I realized that I had to love him more than my life, I had to say, 'Take my life if you want, it is more important that I love you.' And so my fear left me."
Balint came home that night without a mark on him... The daily visits to the Securitate were ended shortly afterwards, but the Securitate would still search their house when they were not there. "We would return from a holiday and realize that someone had been in our home and I learned then that even my home did not belong to me. We own nothing but our life and even that is not our own."
*names have been changed. [as told to CS, 1997]
One afternoon, Eva was coming home from work [she worked from 6:30am to 3:30pm] and a neighbor met her and told her that the Securitate had been to her and Balint's house. Eva was disbelieving at first. For an afternoon visit by the Securitate generally meant one of two things: one was to be taken to a very distant prison and quite likely never heard of again, or one was to be beaten and possibly killed in the local facilities. Eva's neighbor persuaded her. The Securitate really had paid them an afternoon visit. "So, I had time to pray and ready myself for their return," said Eva
They were both very frightened. Balint was stretched out on the bed, waiting for the summons to go to the Securitate headquarters. Praying, praying. "Then I felt as if someone was telling me that we had nothing to lose. We had no children then and so we had nothing to lose but ourselves. I went over to Balint and said, 'Balint, we have nothing to lose. We have everlasting life.' When he realized how I was thinking he was encouraged and so we were able to laugh and pray together before he had to go. I went with him. It was the custom to accompany someone to the Securitate, not to let a person go alone."
"Then I walked home but someone was following me. I went into a shop to buy something for Balint, something to put on his bruises, because I was hoping that he would come home and I would be able to do this for him. And one of the Securitate was following me and I was frightened. I was so frightened I couldn't pray."
"It was at this time that I learned about loving and forgiving my enemies. A voice said -- it must have been an angel, because it wasn't my voice, I couldn't pray, I was so frightened -- a voice said, 'You are afraid of him because you don't love him. Perfect love casts out fear.' [1 John 4:18] And it was true, I hated him... I loved my life more than him. I wanted to live. And I realized that I had to love him more than my life, I had to say, 'Take my life if you want, it is more important that I love you.' And so my fear left me."
Balint came home that night without a mark on him... The daily visits to the Securitate were ended shortly afterwards, but the Securitate would still search their house when they were not there. "We would return from a holiday and realize that someone had been in our home and I learned then that even my home did not belong to me. We own nothing but our life and even that is not our own."
*names have been changed. [as told to CS, 1997]
posted by CS at 3:23 PM
4 Comments:
Thank you.
We are so spoiled, it is hard to imagine living under circumstances like this.
I bookmarked the page, but how about an RSS feed link, so I don't forget to check back and miss things.
Thanks for the suggestion, Barbara -- we're working on that but keep encountering annoying problems! Hope to get it sorted promptly. In the meantime, maybe you could sign up to be a follower?
RSS feed now available!
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